It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i love accidental penises.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
