Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
