I like to think it a success when the cops are called
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
