Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
