so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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