this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
