Dual....:-)
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
