So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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