gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
