During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
false alarm, still single
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