The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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