Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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