you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
