just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
