Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
