Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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