His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
