My liver just broke up with me...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
