i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
