so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
