Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I would ride that face into the sunset
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
