He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
