Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
