Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
