my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
