You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize