wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
