my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
