Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
