You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
