I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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