You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize