I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
