I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
