All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
