yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
