So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
