I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
