grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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