The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
