every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
