and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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