I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
