If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
