belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
