Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He? As in you personified your dick?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
