you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
