I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
