Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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