If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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