lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
this hospital has no fireball
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
