You're my little dorito
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
