So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
