Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
