Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
