Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
