There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
