You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
