dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
