How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
