Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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