U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
