Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
