Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
