So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
