Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
