i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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