omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
