I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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