Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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